Two days ago, I was just munching down on some deliciously spicy Taco Bell gorditas and cream when all of the sudden I felt this rumbling in my lower intestines. I know, I know, making fun of cheap imitation Mexican food is a little passe, but hear me out.
So I continue to eat the gorditas until my stomach starts to feel like a thousand little fists are beating on its walls, which means it's time for me to head upstairs and take a nice, even dump.
Suddenly, this fiery searing sensation rips its way through my bowels like nobody's business, so I make a mad dash for the bathroom door. I frantically tore off my belt and tried to get my pants off before slamming myself down on the shitter, but before my ass made contact, steaming liquid shit foamed out of my ass, spraying all over the toilet seat. In order to keep more from shooting out, I pushed myself down onto the shit-covered seat, grimaced, and braced for impact.
A geyser of feces fountained out of my anus, burning my rectum like it was brown, frothy lava. My ass cheeks flapped with the force of the stream. I had to grab onto the sink countertop in order to keep myself firmly planted in the seat and from flying off the toilet.
Once it had all passed out of me, I sighed a heavy breath of relief, sure that the worst was over. I was wrong.
Another wave hit me, worse than the first, causing me to scream for my mother who's been dead these last four years. Tears forming in my eyes, I endured a third wave that had to have been pure stomach acid and bile, mixed in with the blood from my bleeding colon brought on by the intensity of the shitting I had just done.
Exhausted, and completely devoid of shit, I collapsed onto the floor, my ass still leaking this rancid mix of scat and stomach acid. I curled up into the fetal position, shaking and crying, asking God, "Why, why did you do this to me?"
I fucking love gorditas. :whee:



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