haha...oh the humorness
For someone reason Chuck norris has become very popular so a site was put up awhile ago which had all these on it.. haha... they are so great you have to read em...
(btw I bolded my favorite)
Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Additional Chuck Norris Facts
* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
* Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
* Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.
* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
* Chuck Norris doesnât wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
* Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
* If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will fuck you up.
* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
* Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
* Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
* Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
* In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
* Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Fuck was That?"
* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
* Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
* The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
You can also add any ones you can think of to that site...
Quantum Raiders Forum
Online Gaming and so much more
Chuck Norris
16 posts • Page 1 of 1
by CrimsonBlade » Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:52 pm
cuz its Chuck Norris man
In this world of emptiness there is no form, no feelings, perceptions, impulses, or consciousness. No eye, ear, tongue body, or mind. Therefore, no color, sound, smell, taste, touch, or thought. The world of form does not exist, nor the world of the mind or of ignorance; no old age and no death.
When the mind does not become attached to anything, there are no obstacles and fear does not exist. This mind goes beyond all disruptive views and attains Nirvana
wisdom of enlightenment as the great unexplainable true word
- Buddish Lotus Sutra
<img src="http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a227/daydreamer1229/vetcopy.jpg" alt="Image hosting by Photobucket">
When the mind does not become attached to anything, there are no obstacles and fear does not exist. This mind goes beyond all disruptive views and attains Nirvana
wisdom of enlightenment as the great unexplainable true word
- Buddish Lotus Sutra
<img src="http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a227/daydreamer1229/vetcopy.jpg" alt="Image hosting by Photobucket">
-
CrimsonBlade - Slaughterer
- Posts: 2850
- Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 12:23 am
by DoubtlessOne » Fri Jan 27, 2006 12:59 am
Chuck Norris created pi in order to keep humans confused. While scientists and mathematicians attempt to terminate pi, Chuck Norris plots to terminate them
Chuck Norris invented margarine by singlehandedly spitting and ejaculating at the same time. Popular imitations are secretly known as "I Can't Beleive It's Not Chuck Norris".
For his Total Gym informercials, they use a body double for Chuck Norris. Not because he isn't jacked, but because to see his actual body without a shirt would cause every man in America to kill themselves in shame.
The world was flat until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it, which made it curl up into a ball. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks tend to do that.
Chuck Norris is so potent that his sperm must be encased in plutonium.
Chuck Norris's only currency is justice, and it's accepted worldwide.
Any redhead person that was born since the dawn of time is an offspring of Chuck Norris, including his own parents.
Chuck Norris cannot make children with a woman because his sperm would instinctively roundhouse kick the eggs and any antibodies, crippling the woman's reproductive and immune systems.
The only time Chuck Norris was confused was after watching the Stephen Seagal movie "Nico". Still to this day, he cannot figure out, why a rival action hero chooses to run like a schoolgirl with wet knickers.
Chuck Norris sent each of the judges at the Academy Awards a giftbasket of mini-muffins and assorted treats to sway them to vote for Sidekicks as Best Picture of the Year. Although it did not win, Chuck is not discouraged and has been filming Sidekicks 2 for 11 years in his basement apartment.
Chuck Norris once ripped a man apart for calling his penis enormous. Everybody knows Chuck Norris' penis is gargantuan beyond mortal comprehension.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff AND the deputy. He then occupied the position of deputy.
Chuck Norris was recently attacked by a great white shark while scuba diving off the coast of Thailand. His resulting roundhouse kick in self defense caused the tsunami you've heard so much about.
When Chuck Norris breaks up with a girl, he actually breaks her in half.
Chuck Norris viciously attacks Bill Gates anytime he needs lunch money.
Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.
Chuck Norris once stared down a mirror.
Batman's alter ego is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris drinks a concoction of liquid hot magma, gasoline, and Tropicana Pure Premium Original Orange Juice. Don't give Norris any pulp, or he'll give you the roundhouse.
Chuck Norris's communication with The Afterlife is made possible by talking to the black guy on Walker Texas Ranger.
A man once laughed at Chuck Norris' beard. He promptly roundhouse kicked him, and then continously stomped his body into the ground. Hence, the Grand Canyon.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is the stork that delivers babies. But, not in the way that he is a bird, but in the way that he is your father. Take that as you may.
Chuck Norris kicked Michael Jackson in the chest so hard that Janet Jackson's tit popped out of her jacket.
Back in the '30s, there was a lot of controversy because Chuck Norris was the first black woman to refuse to sit at the back of the bus. He roundhouse kicked every white person in sight, and now he sits wherever the fuck he wants to.
Chuck Norris knows whether the moon landings were fake or not.
Once Chuck Norris made Jean Claude Van-Damme cry just by staring at him.
Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.
Chuck Norris drinks a special shake every morning for breakfast, the ingredients of which include yak milk, strawberry, banana, pineapple, a sprinkle of Bruce Lee's cremated remains, and two fetuses. He says the fetuses make it extra creamy.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
Chuck Norris delivered himself at birth. He then killed his mother and force-fed her to every other baby in the hospital. Chuck fishes on Tuesdays.
If you stand in front of a mirror, on Halloween night, and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will come out of the mirror, and karate chop your head in half.
Chuck Norris doesn't walk on water, the water kisses his feet.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Hurricane Katrina was just Chuck Norris sparring with Thor. Chuck won.
In 1997, Chuck Norris won the Pulitzer Prize for his autobiography entitled "Never Quiting the Fight: The Life of Chuck Norris". He then peed on it.
Chuck Norris' beard has a representative in Congress.
Chuck Norris' penis is considered a weapon of mass destrution.
Chuck Norris created the Total Gym by physically beating a Ford Pinto into the shape he had in his mind. The gas tank did explode during the procedure, but not so much as one hair of Chuck Norris's beard was singed.
For every time Chuck Norris kills a man, an angel gets its wings. For every time a puppy dies, Chuck Norris laughs.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can go to Mexico and drink the water.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the blackness out of Michael Jackson. The obsession with young boys came later, as a side effect.
Chuck Norris' beard can read braille.
In the early 1500s, Chuck Norris began a starring contest with Michelangelo's "David". He hasn't blinked since.
One day when Chuck Norris was driving, his semi broke down, so he carried it to the nearest repair shop.
One gram of Chuck Norris will power the entire universe for 17 years if placed in a nuclear reactor instead of uranium or plutonium.
A man once made the mistake of butting in front of Chuck Norris in a line. Chuck then proceeded to physically shove the mans head up his own ass.
"Walker, Texas Ranger" does not have slow motion. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks are just so fast they slow down time.
Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
Chuck Norris once purchased a necklace that contained a single grain of rice with his name written on it. Unfortunately for him, he didn't notice the man who made it wrote "Chuck Morris" on it until he got home. When he went back to complain the man was gone. Since that day, he's spent almost every waking hour in search of the man. When he finds him, he will kill him.
Chuck Norris choked the writer of 'Sidekicks' to death.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
The first rule of Chuck Norris is, you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' advice? Grow a beard.
Chuck Norris once hurled his body in the way of an 18 wheeler to save a baby, coincedently while performing his NFL style victory dance he spiked the baby into the ground and performed a perfect moonwalk.
Chuck Norris doesn't just get morning wood, he gets morning redwood.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to use the phone; by the time he hits the first digit on your number, you KNOW what he wants.
Chuck Norris' dandruff is the Colonel's secret ingredient. They won't tell you because if we all knew that, KFC couldn't meet demand.
In the beginning God created Chuck Norris, but only because Chuck told him too or he'd kick God's ass.
Time stops for no man, but it does for Chuck Norris when he meditates, or takes a dump.
Chuck Norris has yet to die for your sins.
Chuck Norris once started a brutal civil war in a third world country because he felt, "There were too many people on the planet." He also stopped it exactly a week after, by killing everyone by himself.
Chuck Norris once claimed that Clear Pepsi, "was for queers." The following day, Pepsi pulled the product from shelves.
Every time Chuck Norris flexes, someone dies.
Chuck Norris once destroyed Tokyo for fun, but was able to rebuild it in a matter of milliseconds.
After repeatedly failing at the development of an atomic weapon, Einstein and other members of the Manhattan Project called upon Chuck Norris and a flurry of roundhouse kicks to split the atom.
A man compared Chuck Norris to Jean-Claude Van Damme once. Once.
It never rains on Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin once a year.
Chuck Norris once punched a drug dealer so hard, that he ripped a hole in the fabric of time and space, resulting in Chuck traveling back in time during the Revolutionary War. Chuck Norris then proceeded to singlehandedly beat the Brits during the battles at Lexington and Concord.
One day Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at McDonalds. When the employee asked him if he wanted fries with that, Chuck Norris had sex with his girlfriend, taped it, and mailed the tape to him for Christmas.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris was inspiration for all the characters in all of the Mortal Kombat games. Yes, even the female characters. But Chuck Norris did not use a knife on a rope as Scorpion does to do his "get over here!" attack, Chuck of course used his penis.
Chuck Norris only goes to the mall to tell little children there is no such person as Santa Claus....then he goes to Cinnabon.
There are some things in the world money can't buy. For everything else, there's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented EZ Squeeze Cheeze, he got the idea from crushing a man until his intestines came out of his mouth.
Coincidence that Viagra and the hole on the ozone both appeared around the same time? Ask Chuck Norris.
If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
As a teenager, Chuck Norris had the beginnings of a receding hairline. Chuck's beard, being ever so perceptive, noticed this and cloned itself allowing the cloned beard to crawl to the balding area in order to make Chuck's hair as thick and lush as ever.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.
Some time ago, Chuck Norris wrote two different stories. Norris gave the one he felt was weakest to his friend, William Shakespeare, who later renamed it "MacBeth". The stronger one went onto become "Missing In Action".
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
No woman has ever lived long enough to cuddle with Chuck Norris after sex. Instead, he cuddles with his beard.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris actually died in 1986, but Heaven didn't want him since he was known to rip the wings of angels.
Chuck Norris once caught a leprachaun.
Chuck Norris once appeared in a Staples commercial in which Tom Beringer challenged him to fight. Chuck Norris pressed the easy button and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Unlike Mr. T, Chuck Norris doesn't pity the fool. He roundhouse kicks him.
Chuck Norris prefers Pepsi to Coke, McDonald's to Burger King, and, surprisingly, Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, Chuck Norris responded with, "I don't trust Doctors." Then, he shot lasers out of his eyes, and ate the hearts of everyone in the room.
Chuck Norris once consumed an entire East-Russian villiage in a fit of collosal hunger which may never be equalled...
One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris killed the counselor and taught his fellow children to play the way Chuck taught himself to play. These children became the members of Led Zeppelin.
It is well known that Chuck Norris weightlifts a lot, but it is not well known that he refuses to weightlift unless he is skydiving from 45,000 feet, without a parachute.
Chuck Norris can smash a brick wall with his penis. When flaccid.
On the Eighth Day Chuck Norris told God to take a breather and that he'd "Take it from here."
Chuck Norris once saw his reflection in the mirror and challenged himself to a deathmatch. This quandary caused the universe to implode.
Chuck Norris once went swimming... The blue whale is now endangered.
Chuck Norris solved the Bermuda Triangle by using the Pythagorean Theorem.
Contrary to popular belief the continents did not drift apart over millions of years but in a single day when Chuck Norris was walking across Pangaea and mentioned that he wanted to swim, right here, and right now.
Chuck Norris can charge a cellular phone just by rubbing it against his beard.
Chuck Norris has eaten pussy only once, and that's only if you count the flesh of the lead actor from Cats, the musical.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a drooling retarded kid because he thought he was spitting at him.
The only time Chuck Norris ever lost a fight was in a Bruce Lee movie called "Return of the Dragon," Bruce Lee died soon afterwards and it was not a coincidence.
The atomic bomb was created by splitting Chuck Norris's sperm. When testing the weapon it was heard that everyone East of the Rockies became pregnant.
Chuck Norris has slept with every woman in the world just to be absolutely sure that he has fucked your wife.
Chuck Norris' family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.
A single drop of Chuck Norris's blood could cure every disease. However, man has not discoverd a needle sharp enough to puncture his skin.
Some scientists still refer to supernovas as "The Chuck Norris Effect". These scientists also think that comets are Chuck's sperm.
Chuck Norris once juggled a soccer ball 2,357 times... with just his penis.
In the year 2010, Chuck Norris' beard will be declared the 51st state.
Chuck Norris caught the roadrunner while blindfolded and then ate it alive, right in front of that fucking coyote. He then put the coyote in a cage and watched it starve to death. Who's wiley now?
In 1998, Chuck Norris' heart was replaced with a flux capacitor.
Chuck Norris appeared briefly on the Apprentice. When he was being fired by Donald Trump, Norris cut him off by saying, "Shut your cocksucker" and roundhouse kicked him in the throat.
Chuck Norris keeps a horde of trained bees under his beard to let loose at a moment's notice.
Chuck Norris is desperately working on a way to have sexual intercourse with himself because he has finally realized that he is the sexiest person on the planet... and everyone knows that Chuck Norris does not settle for second best.
Chuck Norris' shit is collected and sold as "Quick Start" fire logs.
Mr. T once tried to pity Chuck Norris. He was instantly roundhouse kicked in the face.
Chuck Norris can do 1000 push-ups with his penis.
Chuck Norris invented Al Gore.
Chuck Norris hates Romanians. His official reason: "They're fucking Romanians." Needless to say, this resulted in the Vietnam War and the invention of the space shuttle.
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
For fun, Chuck Norris likes to visit Veterinary Hospitals. When asked if he has a sick pet, Chuck Norris flexes and says, "These pythons are pretty sick." He then kisses his pecks until all the ladies explode with orgasmic fury.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris does not believe in Christmas for every day that men are still alive is a gift from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris opened Pandora's Box, looked at its contents, and then closed it.
When Harry Potter was about to grab the golden snitch, Chuck Norris grabbed it and roundhouse kicked him in the face and proceeded to have sex with Hermione. A week later she gave birth to three snakes.
The Soylent Green company had to hire Chuck Norris to keep up with demand.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Carbon fiber, an expensive yet extremely strong and lightweight material is not actually made of Carbon, but rather Chuck Norris' ass hair.
If you're separated by six degrees from Kevin Bacon, you're an actor. If you're separated by six degrees from Chuck Norris, you'll be dead in a matter of hours.
The reason emo bands are so emo is because they are being persecuted by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris hates emos.
The real reason Stephen Hawking is in a Wheelchair is not because of ALS but because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the back for beating him in a spelling bee.
There is no gravity. You're being held down purely by Chuck Norris' animal magnetism.
Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world.
It is true that Chuck Norris loves puppies. But only with pepper and salt.
Back in highschool, Chuck Norris was the QB of his football team. In the last game of the season, Chuck through an interception. As the opponent was returning the ball Chuck gave him a roundhouse kick and knocked his head off. Instead of picking up the ball, he picked up his opponents head and punted it through the up-rights.
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Who ever it was is going to get dropkicked by Chuck Norris. And then he will reach into their stomach to get the cookie back. Chuck Norris likes cookies.
Chuck Norris once made love to a Sasquatch. This resulted in the birth of George W. Bush, and the Sasquatch contacting an incurable form of Syphillis, known as "The Norris Clap".
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that your grandchildren will have headaches.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris can hammer a nail with one blow, without a hammer.
Although the Chinese have a larger army than USA, they are reluctant to attack because they know we have Chuck Norris. Reruns of Walker, Texas Ranger haven't made their way to the Middle East yet.
Chuck Norris is the reason for the hole in the ozone layer. The ozone layer now knows better.
Chuck Norris doesn't need birth control. His sperm destroys the egg.
Angered by the fact that Hurricane Katrina was not named Hurricane Chuck, Norris went on a killing spree. It is been rumored that he mutilated 7 meterologists, 15 journalists, and 3 unrelated civilians. He was seen later on screaming "Who's a CAT 5 now bitch?!"
Chuck Norris was once watching the movie "Bambi" with his five year old son. When the lovable Bambi was shot, his son began to cry. Chuck stood up, and in a fit of rage yelled, "Chuck Norris doesn't raise pussies. Do I have to round house kick you back into your mother's womb?" After his son shook his head, Chuck sat back down on the couch. Just when everything seemed calm, he executed one of his infamous no look punches on his son and then yelled, "Sneak attack, bitch."
More than half of the planet population has never actually seen any Walker Texas ranger or Delta force or Missing in action production. But they still think Chuck Norris exists. When asked why, they all reply, "Faith."
Chuck Norris began studying martial arts in preparation for his 10th High School reunion, at which he planned to "teach a lesson" to his old flame, Mario Lopez.
Chuck Norris can drop kick a small child 200 yards.
Chuck Noris fought the law.
Chuck Noris won.
Chuck Norris invented McDonalds for the sole purpose of becoming stronger. Almost daily he goes to there to practice round house kicking fat people in the face
Chuck Norris invented kryptonite because he thought Superman was "too cocky".
A homeless guy onced asked Chuck Norris for a spare dollar. The result was the Great Depression.
Once, Chuck Norris was at the airport. When a plane flying from San Fransisco to New York wouldn't start, Chuck threw the plane, which ended up landing in the Gulf of Mexico. Chuck claimed his arm was sore because of overwork.
The Beatles song Norwegian Wood is in fact about Chuck Norris' penis.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever beat Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest. Chuck Norris won by picking up the whole table of hot dogs and eating them all in one bite, leaving none for his competition. To help the hot dogs go down easier, he ate the 400 pound fat guy next to him. Chuck Norris was then banned from eating hot dogs or fat people ever again.
Hellen Keller was actually born with no ailments. However, she became blind, deaf, and dumb at age three after accidentally bumping into Chuck Norris in a crowded city street. Onlookers applauded as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into submission.
Chuck Norris always wins Connect Four in six turns or less.
The Bermuda Triangle was once in the shape of a square, but Chuck Norris kicked one of the corners off it.
Chuck Norris killed a man, used his powers to bring him back to life, and killed him again. Now thats justice.
Chuck Norris found the cure to cancer a long time ago. he didn't tell anyone, stating it would "be funnier this way".
Using only a couple of ordinary roofing nails and his fist as a hammer, Chuck Norris was able to convert a live bald eagle into a badass hood ornament for his monster truck.
Chuck Norris is in the Guinness Book of World Records for getting the most blow jobs in one day. 756.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris believes strongly in ending world hunger. He plans to do this by terminating the populations of all third world countries.
The Ice Age is contributed to Chuck Norris, that was the date of his last erection which blocked the sun's rays for 47 years.
in the 19th century, whales were hunted down to extinction by Chuck Norris when he discovered they made an excellent addition to a protein shake.
Chuck Norris built the entire continent of Asia in two days using just a spoon and Teen People magazine.
Chuck Norris smokes TNT.
Chuck Norris invented Halloween and Pants, yet he refuses to wear pants on Halloween
Chuck Norris invented the word "twat", and uses it in every fourth sentance.
In 1929 the stock market crashed. The reason this happened was because of a fight between Chuck Norris and Godzilla. Many people bet on Godzilla.
Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.
The purpose of the hit counter at the bottom of your screen is actually how many times Chuck Norris has had sex with your mother.
Chuck Norris can digest sweetcorn.
Hitler committed suicide after hearing that Chuck Norris was swimming across the Atlantic to personally roundhouse kick him in the face.
Chuck Norris once beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out in the desert while trimming red hair from his taint with a box cutter. What? You say there are no outlets for the Nintendo in the desert? Tell that to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris showers in Pabst Blue Ribbon and mongoose blood.
A man was standing on the edge of the Empire State Building threatening to jump to his death. Chuck Norris was called in to talk the man down. After successfully persuading the man not to jump, Chuck Norris sucker punched him right off the building.
Chuck Norris auditioned for the lead role in the origional 'Shaft', but was told he "wasn't black enough". In retaliation, he killed Martin Luther King jr.
there are a few copied
Chuck Norris invented margarine by singlehandedly spitting and ejaculating at the same time. Popular imitations are secretly known as "I Can't Beleive It's Not Chuck Norris".
For his Total Gym informercials, they use a body double for Chuck Norris. Not because he isn't jacked, but because to see his actual body without a shirt would cause every man in America to kill themselves in shame.
The world was flat until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it, which made it curl up into a ball. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks tend to do that.
Chuck Norris is so potent that his sperm must be encased in plutonium.
Chuck Norris's only currency is justice, and it's accepted worldwide.
Any redhead person that was born since the dawn of time is an offspring of Chuck Norris, including his own parents.
Chuck Norris cannot make children with a woman because his sperm would instinctively roundhouse kick the eggs and any antibodies, crippling the woman's reproductive and immune systems.
The only time Chuck Norris was confused was after watching the Stephen Seagal movie "Nico". Still to this day, he cannot figure out, why a rival action hero chooses to run like a schoolgirl with wet knickers.
Chuck Norris sent each of the judges at the Academy Awards a giftbasket of mini-muffins and assorted treats to sway them to vote for Sidekicks as Best Picture of the Year. Although it did not win, Chuck is not discouraged and has been filming Sidekicks 2 for 11 years in his basement apartment.
Chuck Norris once ripped a man apart for calling his penis enormous. Everybody knows Chuck Norris' penis is gargantuan beyond mortal comprehension.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff AND the deputy. He then occupied the position of deputy.
Chuck Norris was recently attacked by a great white shark while scuba diving off the coast of Thailand. His resulting roundhouse kick in self defense caused the tsunami you've heard so much about.
When Chuck Norris breaks up with a girl, he actually breaks her in half.
Chuck Norris viciously attacks Bill Gates anytime he needs lunch money.
Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.
Chuck Norris once stared down a mirror.
Batman's alter ego is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris drinks a concoction of liquid hot magma, gasoline, and Tropicana Pure Premium Original Orange Juice. Don't give Norris any pulp, or he'll give you the roundhouse.
Chuck Norris's communication with The Afterlife is made possible by talking to the black guy on Walker Texas Ranger.
A man once laughed at Chuck Norris' beard. He promptly roundhouse kicked him, and then continously stomped his body into the ground. Hence, the Grand Canyon.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is the stork that delivers babies. But, not in the way that he is a bird, but in the way that he is your father. Take that as you may.
Chuck Norris kicked Michael Jackson in the chest so hard that Janet Jackson's tit popped out of her jacket.
Back in the '30s, there was a lot of controversy because Chuck Norris was the first black woman to refuse to sit at the back of the bus. He roundhouse kicked every white person in sight, and now he sits wherever the fuck he wants to.
Chuck Norris knows whether the moon landings were fake or not.
Once Chuck Norris made Jean Claude Van-Damme cry just by staring at him.
Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.
Chuck Norris drinks a special shake every morning for breakfast, the ingredients of which include yak milk, strawberry, banana, pineapple, a sprinkle of Bruce Lee's cremated remains, and two fetuses. He says the fetuses make it extra creamy.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
Chuck Norris delivered himself at birth. He then killed his mother and force-fed her to every other baby in the hospital. Chuck fishes on Tuesdays.
If you stand in front of a mirror, on Halloween night, and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will come out of the mirror, and karate chop your head in half.
Chuck Norris doesn't walk on water, the water kisses his feet.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Hurricane Katrina was just Chuck Norris sparring with Thor. Chuck won.
In 1997, Chuck Norris won the Pulitzer Prize for his autobiography entitled "Never Quiting the Fight: The Life of Chuck Norris". He then peed on it.
Chuck Norris' beard has a representative in Congress.
Chuck Norris' penis is considered a weapon of mass destrution.
Chuck Norris created the Total Gym by physically beating a Ford Pinto into the shape he had in his mind. The gas tank did explode during the procedure, but not so much as one hair of Chuck Norris's beard was singed.
For every time Chuck Norris kills a man, an angel gets its wings. For every time a puppy dies, Chuck Norris laughs.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can go to Mexico and drink the water.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the blackness out of Michael Jackson. The obsession with young boys came later, as a side effect.
Chuck Norris' beard can read braille.
In the early 1500s, Chuck Norris began a starring contest with Michelangelo's "David". He hasn't blinked since.
One day when Chuck Norris was driving, his semi broke down, so he carried it to the nearest repair shop.
One gram of Chuck Norris will power the entire universe for 17 years if placed in a nuclear reactor instead of uranium or plutonium.
A man once made the mistake of butting in front of Chuck Norris in a line. Chuck then proceeded to physically shove the mans head up his own ass.
"Walker, Texas Ranger" does not have slow motion. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks are just so fast they slow down time.
Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
Chuck Norris once purchased a necklace that contained a single grain of rice with his name written on it. Unfortunately for him, he didn't notice the man who made it wrote "Chuck Morris" on it until he got home. When he went back to complain the man was gone. Since that day, he's spent almost every waking hour in search of the man. When he finds him, he will kill him.
Chuck Norris choked the writer of 'Sidekicks' to death.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
The first rule of Chuck Norris is, you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' advice? Grow a beard.
Chuck Norris once hurled his body in the way of an 18 wheeler to save a baby, coincedently while performing his NFL style victory dance he spiked the baby into the ground and performed a perfect moonwalk.
Chuck Norris doesn't just get morning wood, he gets morning redwood.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to use the phone; by the time he hits the first digit on your number, you KNOW what he wants.
Chuck Norris' dandruff is the Colonel's secret ingredient. They won't tell you because if we all knew that, KFC couldn't meet demand.
In the beginning God created Chuck Norris, but only because Chuck told him too or he'd kick God's ass.
Time stops for no man, but it does for Chuck Norris when he meditates, or takes a dump.
Chuck Norris has yet to die for your sins.
Chuck Norris once started a brutal civil war in a third world country because he felt, "There were too many people on the planet." He also stopped it exactly a week after, by killing everyone by himself.
Chuck Norris once claimed that Clear Pepsi, "was for queers." The following day, Pepsi pulled the product from shelves.
Every time Chuck Norris flexes, someone dies.
Chuck Norris once destroyed Tokyo for fun, but was able to rebuild it in a matter of milliseconds.
After repeatedly failing at the development of an atomic weapon, Einstein and other members of the Manhattan Project called upon Chuck Norris and a flurry of roundhouse kicks to split the atom.
A man compared Chuck Norris to Jean-Claude Van Damme once. Once.
It never rains on Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin once a year.
Chuck Norris once punched a drug dealer so hard, that he ripped a hole in the fabric of time and space, resulting in Chuck traveling back in time during the Revolutionary War. Chuck Norris then proceeded to singlehandedly beat the Brits during the battles at Lexington and Concord.
One day Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at McDonalds. When the employee asked him if he wanted fries with that, Chuck Norris had sex with his girlfriend, taped it, and mailed the tape to him for Christmas.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris was inspiration for all the characters in all of the Mortal Kombat games. Yes, even the female characters. But Chuck Norris did not use a knife on a rope as Scorpion does to do his "get over here!" attack, Chuck of course used his penis.
Chuck Norris only goes to the mall to tell little children there is no such person as Santa Claus....then he goes to Cinnabon.
There are some things in the world money can't buy. For everything else, there's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented EZ Squeeze Cheeze, he got the idea from crushing a man until his intestines came out of his mouth.
Coincidence that Viagra and the hole on the ozone both appeared around the same time? Ask Chuck Norris.
If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
As a teenager, Chuck Norris had the beginnings of a receding hairline. Chuck's beard, being ever so perceptive, noticed this and cloned itself allowing the cloned beard to crawl to the balding area in order to make Chuck's hair as thick and lush as ever.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.
Some time ago, Chuck Norris wrote two different stories. Norris gave the one he felt was weakest to his friend, William Shakespeare, who later renamed it "MacBeth". The stronger one went onto become "Missing In Action".
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
No woman has ever lived long enough to cuddle with Chuck Norris after sex. Instead, he cuddles with his beard.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris actually died in 1986, but Heaven didn't want him since he was known to rip the wings of angels.
Chuck Norris once caught a leprachaun.
Chuck Norris once appeared in a Staples commercial in which Tom Beringer challenged him to fight. Chuck Norris pressed the easy button and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Unlike Mr. T, Chuck Norris doesn't pity the fool. He roundhouse kicks him.
Chuck Norris prefers Pepsi to Coke, McDonald's to Burger King, and, surprisingly, Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, Chuck Norris responded with, "I don't trust Doctors." Then, he shot lasers out of his eyes, and ate the hearts of everyone in the room.
Chuck Norris once consumed an entire East-Russian villiage in a fit of collosal hunger which may never be equalled...
One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris killed the counselor and taught his fellow children to play the way Chuck taught himself to play. These children became the members of Led Zeppelin.
It is well known that Chuck Norris weightlifts a lot, but it is not well known that he refuses to weightlift unless he is skydiving from 45,000 feet, without a parachute.
Chuck Norris can smash a brick wall with his penis. When flaccid.
On the Eighth Day Chuck Norris told God to take a breather and that he'd "Take it from here."
Chuck Norris once saw his reflection in the mirror and challenged himself to a deathmatch. This quandary caused the universe to implode.
Chuck Norris once went swimming... The blue whale is now endangered.
Chuck Norris solved the Bermuda Triangle by using the Pythagorean Theorem.
Contrary to popular belief the continents did not drift apart over millions of years but in a single day when Chuck Norris was walking across Pangaea and mentioned that he wanted to swim, right here, and right now.
Chuck Norris can charge a cellular phone just by rubbing it against his beard.
Chuck Norris has eaten pussy only once, and that's only if you count the flesh of the lead actor from Cats, the musical.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a drooling retarded kid because he thought he was spitting at him.
The only time Chuck Norris ever lost a fight was in a Bruce Lee movie called "Return of the Dragon," Bruce Lee died soon afterwards and it was not a coincidence.
The atomic bomb was created by splitting Chuck Norris's sperm. When testing the weapon it was heard that everyone East of the Rockies became pregnant.
Chuck Norris has slept with every woman in the world just to be absolutely sure that he has fucked your wife.
Chuck Norris' family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.
A single drop of Chuck Norris's blood could cure every disease. However, man has not discoverd a needle sharp enough to puncture his skin.
Some scientists still refer to supernovas as "The Chuck Norris Effect". These scientists also think that comets are Chuck's sperm.
Chuck Norris once juggled a soccer ball 2,357 times... with just his penis.
In the year 2010, Chuck Norris' beard will be declared the 51st state.
Chuck Norris caught the roadrunner while blindfolded and then ate it alive, right in front of that fucking coyote. He then put the coyote in a cage and watched it starve to death. Who's wiley now?
In 1998, Chuck Norris' heart was replaced with a flux capacitor.
Chuck Norris appeared briefly on the Apprentice. When he was being fired by Donald Trump, Norris cut him off by saying, "Shut your cocksucker" and roundhouse kicked him in the throat.
Chuck Norris keeps a horde of trained bees under his beard to let loose at a moment's notice.
Chuck Norris is desperately working on a way to have sexual intercourse with himself because he has finally realized that he is the sexiest person on the planet... and everyone knows that Chuck Norris does not settle for second best.
Chuck Norris' shit is collected and sold as "Quick Start" fire logs.
Mr. T once tried to pity Chuck Norris. He was instantly roundhouse kicked in the face.
Chuck Norris can do 1000 push-ups with his penis.
Chuck Norris invented Al Gore.
Chuck Norris hates Romanians. His official reason: "They're fucking Romanians." Needless to say, this resulted in the Vietnam War and the invention of the space shuttle.
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
For fun, Chuck Norris likes to visit Veterinary Hospitals. When asked if he has a sick pet, Chuck Norris flexes and says, "These pythons are pretty sick." He then kisses his pecks until all the ladies explode with orgasmic fury.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris does not believe in Christmas for every day that men are still alive is a gift from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris opened Pandora's Box, looked at its contents, and then closed it.
When Harry Potter was about to grab the golden snitch, Chuck Norris grabbed it and roundhouse kicked him in the face and proceeded to have sex with Hermione. A week later she gave birth to three snakes.
The Soylent Green company had to hire Chuck Norris to keep up with demand.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Carbon fiber, an expensive yet extremely strong and lightweight material is not actually made of Carbon, but rather Chuck Norris' ass hair.
If you're separated by six degrees from Kevin Bacon, you're an actor. If you're separated by six degrees from Chuck Norris, you'll be dead in a matter of hours.
The reason emo bands are so emo is because they are being persecuted by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris hates emos.
The real reason Stephen Hawking is in a Wheelchair is not because of ALS but because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the back for beating him in a spelling bee.
There is no gravity. You're being held down purely by Chuck Norris' animal magnetism.
Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world.
It is true that Chuck Norris loves puppies. But only with pepper and salt.
Back in highschool, Chuck Norris was the QB of his football team. In the last game of the season, Chuck through an interception. As the opponent was returning the ball Chuck gave him a roundhouse kick and knocked his head off. Instead of picking up the ball, he picked up his opponents head and punted it through the up-rights.
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Who ever it was is going to get dropkicked by Chuck Norris. And then he will reach into their stomach to get the cookie back. Chuck Norris likes cookies.
Chuck Norris once made love to a Sasquatch. This resulted in the birth of George W. Bush, and the Sasquatch contacting an incurable form of Syphillis, known as "The Norris Clap".
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that your grandchildren will have headaches.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris can hammer a nail with one blow, without a hammer.
Although the Chinese have a larger army than USA, they are reluctant to attack because they know we have Chuck Norris. Reruns of Walker, Texas Ranger haven't made their way to the Middle East yet.
Chuck Norris is the reason for the hole in the ozone layer. The ozone layer now knows better.
Chuck Norris doesn't need birth control. His sperm destroys the egg.
Angered by the fact that Hurricane Katrina was not named Hurricane Chuck, Norris went on a killing spree. It is been rumored that he mutilated 7 meterologists, 15 journalists, and 3 unrelated civilians. He was seen later on screaming "Who's a CAT 5 now bitch?!"
Chuck Norris was once watching the movie "Bambi" with his five year old son. When the lovable Bambi was shot, his son began to cry. Chuck stood up, and in a fit of rage yelled, "Chuck Norris doesn't raise pussies. Do I have to round house kick you back into your mother's womb?" After his son shook his head, Chuck sat back down on the couch. Just when everything seemed calm, he executed one of his infamous no look punches on his son and then yelled, "Sneak attack, bitch."
More than half of the planet population has never actually seen any Walker Texas ranger or Delta force or Missing in action production. But they still think Chuck Norris exists. When asked why, they all reply, "Faith."
Chuck Norris began studying martial arts in preparation for his 10th High School reunion, at which he planned to "teach a lesson" to his old flame, Mario Lopez.
Chuck Norris can drop kick a small child 200 yards.
Chuck Noris fought the law.
Chuck Noris won.
Chuck Norris invented McDonalds for the sole purpose of becoming stronger. Almost daily he goes to there to practice round house kicking fat people in the face
Chuck Norris invented kryptonite because he thought Superman was "too cocky".
A homeless guy onced asked Chuck Norris for a spare dollar. The result was the Great Depression.
Once, Chuck Norris was at the airport. When a plane flying from San Fransisco to New York wouldn't start, Chuck threw the plane, which ended up landing in the Gulf of Mexico. Chuck claimed his arm was sore because of overwork.
The Beatles song Norwegian Wood is in fact about Chuck Norris' penis.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever beat Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest. Chuck Norris won by picking up the whole table of hot dogs and eating them all in one bite, leaving none for his competition. To help the hot dogs go down easier, he ate the 400 pound fat guy next to him. Chuck Norris was then banned from eating hot dogs or fat people ever again.
Hellen Keller was actually born with no ailments. However, she became blind, deaf, and dumb at age three after accidentally bumping into Chuck Norris in a crowded city street. Onlookers applauded as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into submission.
Chuck Norris always wins Connect Four in six turns or less.
The Bermuda Triangle was once in the shape of a square, but Chuck Norris kicked one of the corners off it.
Chuck Norris killed a man, used his powers to bring him back to life, and killed him again. Now thats justice.
Chuck Norris found the cure to cancer a long time ago. he didn't tell anyone, stating it would "be funnier this way".
Using only a couple of ordinary roofing nails and his fist as a hammer, Chuck Norris was able to convert a live bald eagle into a badass hood ornament for his monster truck.
Chuck Norris is in the Guinness Book of World Records for getting the most blow jobs in one day. 756.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris believes strongly in ending world hunger. He plans to do this by terminating the populations of all third world countries.
The Ice Age is contributed to Chuck Norris, that was the date of his last erection which blocked the sun's rays for 47 years.
in the 19th century, whales were hunted down to extinction by Chuck Norris when he discovered they made an excellent addition to a protein shake.
Chuck Norris built the entire continent of Asia in two days using just a spoon and Teen People magazine.
Chuck Norris smokes TNT.
Chuck Norris invented Halloween and Pants, yet he refuses to wear pants on Halloween
Chuck Norris invented the word "twat", and uses it in every fourth sentance.
In 1929 the stock market crashed. The reason this happened was because of a fight between Chuck Norris and Godzilla. Many people bet on Godzilla.
Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.
The purpose of the hit counter at the bottom of your screen is actually how many times Chuck Norris has had sex with your mother.
Chuck Norris can digest sweetcorn.
Hitler committed suicide after hearing that Chuck Norris was swimming across the Atlantic to personally roundhouse kick him in the face.
Chuck Norris once beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out in the desert while trimming red hair from his taint with a box cutter. What? You say there are no outlets for the Nintendo in the desert? Tell that to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris showers in Pabst Blue Ribbon and mongoose blood.
A man was standing on the edge of the Empire State Building threatening to jump to his death. Chuck Norris was called in to talk the man down. After successfully persuading the man not to jump, Chuck Norris sucker punched him right off the building.
Chuck Norris auditioned for the lead role in the origional 'Shaft', but was told he "wasn't black enough". In retaliation, he killed Martin Luther King jr.
there are a few copied
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by DYNCH » Fri Jan 27, 2006 2:20 pm
/swt i thought it was just top 10. 
makes me crazy to read em all 
Chuck Norris= I love you Oprah!
makes me crazy to read em all
Chuck Norris= I love you Oprah!
http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?dynch%20lol%20bwahahaha DONT CLICK THIS
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by It's Dope! » Mon Jan 30, 2006 12:51 am
I like how there's 11 facts in the top ten.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
And this would be the site that started it... along with its predecessors: Mr. T and Vin Diesel.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
And this would be the site that started it... along with its predecessors: Mr. T and Vin Diesel.
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by DoubtlessOne » Thu Feb 02, 2006 2:38 pm
and then Chuck Norris appears with his uber roundhouse kicks
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by Ryuujin » Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:39 am
-looks around to make sure no one is around, then switches to his true identity... Chuck Norris-
<img src="http://www.naruto-kun.com/images/narutotest/shino.jpg" alt="naruto" width="212" height="97" border="0"><br><b><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="1"><a href="http://naruto-kun.com" target="_blank">Which Naruto Character Are You?</a><br>Test by <a href="http://www.naruto-kun.com" target="_blank" title="naruto">naruto</a> - kun.com</font></b>
</font>
I have ceased to exist within the holds of qrRO the game, but someday I shall return to conquer.
</font>
I have ceased to exist within the holds of qrRO the game, but someday I shall return to conquer.
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by DYNCH » Mon Feb 06, 2006 2:52 pm
autograph?? or mirror?
http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?dynch%20lol%20bwahahaha DONT CLICK THIS
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by DoubtlessOne » Mon Feb 06, 2006 9:06 pm
LOL Dynch, I just wanna pinch your cheeks 
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by Deaimon » Tue Feb 07, 2006 12:53 am
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
During the same time that Chuck Norris went back into time, Mr.T did also. Chuck preformed a roundhouse kick, Mr.T threw a punch. They met, and that is now known as the big bang.
During the same time that Chuck Norris went back into time, Mr.T did also. Chuck preformed a roundhouse kick, Mr.T threw a punch. They met, and that is now known as the big bang.
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by Ryuujin » Wed Feb 08, 2006 11:50 am
DoubtlessOne @ Feb 6 2006, 08:06 PM wrote: LOL Dynch, I just wanna pinch your cheeks
=) You get those cheeks, I will get the others.
<img src="http://www.naruto-kun.com/images/narutotest/shino.jpg" alt="naruto" width="212" height="97" border="0"><br><b><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="1"><a href="http://naruto-kun.com" target="_blank">Which Naruto Character Are You?</a><br>Test by <a href="http://www.naruto-kun.com" target="_blank" title="naruto">naruto</a> - kun.com</font></b>
</font>
I have ceased to exist within the holds of qrRO the game, but someday I shall return to conquer.
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by dr woot » Fri Feb 24, 2006 4:23 pm
When chuck norris was born, the nurse shouted "holy hell! its chuck norris!" and proceded to have sex with him. That was the thrid time chuck norris had sex.
Chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did
when god sneezes, jesus says "chuck norris bless you"
what do you get when you cross a pair of cowboy boots with chuck norris?
A: a roundhouse kick to the face. You dont EVER cross chuck norris
^^^ my favorites
Chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did
when god sneezes, jesus says "chuck norris bless you"
what do you get when you cross a pair of cowboy boots with chuck norris?
A: a roundhouse kick to the face. You dont EVER cross chuck norris
^^^ my favorites
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by lubship » Sat Feb 25, 2006 12:28 pm
There were three people on a boat, a doctor, the butcher, and the captain. It was a sunny day and the shore was just on the horizon. Sharks rampaged the boat and everyone died, except for one who made it back to shore.... guess who?
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