Quantum Raiders Forum

[haprish]

HAHA, these are actual emails i read from Shoutwire.com made me laugh.



----- Original Message -----

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November 2004

RE: Christmas Party



I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have

small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.
And

don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas


tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be
done

at that time, however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving
of

gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is for employees only!

The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.



Merry Christmas to you and your Family.



Pauline





FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November 2004

RE: Holiday Party



In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often

coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,

from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies
to any

other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree
or

Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your

enjoyment.



I hope all are happy now?



Happy Holidays to you and your family,



Pauline.



FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November 2004

RE: Holiday Party



Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy

to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,

"AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!! How am I supposed to
handle

this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed

now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and

Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap.



NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.



Pauline.





FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November 2004

RE: Holiday Party



What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the

Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how

luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'

beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until

the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home


in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?



Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the

toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to
sit with

gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
arrangements

for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross
dress - no

cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low
fat food

will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in
the food

we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first..
There will

be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No
Sugar"

desserts. Sorry!



Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!



Pauline.



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November 2004

RE: The ******** HolidayParty.



Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep

this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit

quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so

quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic

tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you

slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!! I
hope

you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.



The Bitc*h from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE:9th November 2004

RE: Pauline Lewis and HolidayParty



I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy

recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the

meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and

instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full
pay.

[robo]

aaaahhhh how dump could you be

[tinytoo]

lolz very funny.

[Red mage77]

Shows how picky about the holladays people are, She just should have had like three partys. that would have solved (most) of the trobble. LOL